02/14/04

Dear Pinkocommiebastard,
My boyfriend is always giving me a hard time about my musical tastes. He makes fun of my Britney Spears CDs, he refuses to take me to B2K concerts, and he always turns off the TV when “Newlyweds” is on. He says I’m a “capitalist tool” because I rush home after school to tune into TRL. He says that “cool” indie rock like Belle and Sebastian and the Shins are “where it’s at.” Help me, pinkocommiebastard! How do I justify buying “Justified”?

Help!
Radicals for Justin Timberlake

Dear RJT,
While many in the black turtleneck crowd sneer at the “boy bands” and “pop-tarts” of MTV, the truth is that many leftists enjoy the soothing sounds of such artists. What is less known, however, is that many of our favorite pop stars are fervent supporters of leftist causes. Why, Justin Timberlake has been known to speak out against the War on Drugs, and Britney Spears has recently been nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize for her African speaking tour against female circumcision.

The modern roots of the “socially conscious pop star” movement can be traced to Menudo’s famous hunger strike in opposition to the U.S. Navy’s bombing exercises on the Puerto Rican island of Vieques in the early 1980’s. Tragically, this political action ended in the death of three of Menudo’s founding members. The curious may note that at this time Ricky Martin joined the group, which thereafter made replacing older group members with younger, cuter singers a principle tenet of the Menudo credo.

In summation, RJT, dump your lousy hipster boyfriend. All power to the beautiful people! As Christina Aguilera, herself, sings “we’re all beautiful people.”

Solidarity,
Pinkocommiebastard

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